Intended to be funny – don’t actually try this at home! (and if you do any of these, please stop). – Mr B.
Reprinted from ‘The Instrumentalist’ magazine – April, 1990.
How To Succeed In Band
Robert Reely
Like personal hygiene and good table manners, practicing at home can be traumatic for middle school musicians. The following practice tips, supplied by several third chair clarinetists and two bassoon players, are sure to motivate even the most uninspired students.
General Suggestions
Never practice when your home is completely quiet. At least turn on the TV, stereo, or washing machine – anything that will help you avoid extended musical concentration.
Position your music in a manner that allows for a relaxed playing position (good posture is something you only use in band rehearsal). If you like to snack while practicing, fasten your music to the refrigerator with bright vegetable-shaped magnets. Practicing in bed offers the opportunity for little naps between etudes. Place the music on top of the television set so you can practice and not miss any of your favorite shows.
Only practice pieces you like and can already play with few mistakes. Save scales, technical exercises, rudiments, and difficult passages for the night before a band test; that is the optimum time to practice.
Never use a metronome; it will inhibit expression, particularly on scales and arpeggios.
Do not worry about practicing correct articulations and dynamics. It is the band director’s job to tell you all that stuff in rehearsal (it makes them feel needed).
Do not take big breaths or practice at more than 50% of your capacity. Save your best stuff for rehearsal or when it’s absolutely essential.
Try to play immediately after meals and before brushing your teeth. The interesting things growing in your instrument qualify for bonus points in science class.
Good practice sessions don’t just happen, they require foresight, planning, and a thorough knowledge of prime-time programming. Here’s an example of how to structure practice time so the student can avoid the trauma of musical success.
Practice Schedule
6:55 Get TV Guide
7:00 Get out instrument. Do any maintenance such as oiling valves, applying cork grease, etc. This takes at least three minutes and you still have not played a note.
7:03 Make sure you can see the music and the television.
7:05 Brass players should spend the next ten minutes playing the highest notes possible (do not waste time on warm-ups). Drummers should play as many funky rhythms as possible, along with the television show if appropriate. Woodwinds should imitate as many different species of waterfowl as possible (this goes nicely with National Geographic specials).
7:15 Get down to serious practice during commercials. Playing scales or rudiments you already can play accurately. Do not worry if you miss a note here ot there; you’re still playing some kind of scale, which is sure to appear some time or another.
7:18 Play as many tunes from past concerts as possible. For an extra challenge try them from memory.
7:30 If you are watching a half-hour television program, move to the bedroom for a change of pace (your family will thank you).
7:35 Call your best friends to catch up on all the latest news and ask them if they are practicing as hard as you are.
7:45 After a needed break it is time to hit the hard stuff. Turn on the radio, lay down on the bed in a comfortable playing position, and work for 15 minutes on the next day’s band lesson materials.
8:00 Finally, take one last shot at hitting a few high notes before ending your practice session. Drummers should try to set a new volume records while playing sixteenth notes at quarter note equals 500 beats a minute.
After practicing, go back to uninterrupted television viewing. If nothing interesting is on TV, you can always do your homework.
